The Love Caught in Between:

In the understanding of love relationships, social scientists have proposed mainly two divergent arguments. Some sociologists claimed that contemporary love has reached the phase of ‘pure relationships’ in which the continuity of relationships relies on reflexive self-monitoring and management. However, numerous media studies indicate that the mass media have continuously formulated individuals’ idealistic and romanticized view of relationships and marriage. Without acknowledging one and another, a blind spot in the theoretical discussion is noticed. This paper empirically examines these two opposing theoretical claims. Based on 20 in-depth interviews with Dutch individuals, this study analyzes how two seemingly incompatible discourses interact with each other in Dutch love relationships. Results show that both the intimacy discourse and the romance discourse are actively practiced by the Dutch. Consequently, Dutch love relationships turn out to be characterized by an ongoing struggle and negotiation in between the two discourses. Meanwhile, these two discourses are also mutually reinforcing one and another. The 2 discourses are strategically utilized by the Dutch in order to build the most ideal relationship environment according to one’s personal adoption of a combination of these discourses.